Birthdays, HA!!!!

So, I'm sitting here tonight, kids in bed, husband out of town yet again, and I am contemplating birthday's. Mine is this week and for some reason I am always left wanting more after my birthday has passed. Of course, I blame this on my parents.

Growing up in my family, there was always a special emphasis put on birthdays. We had a special dinner and dessert and it was always a celebration of the special day that God decided to present you to the world. This was mainly of my mothers doing, my dad still doesn't like all of the hoopla, but he perseveres just like any good husband should do in the face of such torment. Never mind the fact that in my 10 years of being drug free and learning to deal with emotions and who I really am, I still think this is their fault! How crazy would it be for me to take responsibility for my own disappointment and false expectations. This leads me to this past Saturday...

I was in the back yard doing work in the flower beds and my husband had gone to Lowes to pick up a new light fixture for the kitchen and some mulch. He had been gone a really long time and I was starting to get concerned. Not worried, just concerned that he had veered from the plan I had set forth for him.

So 2 hours later in walks Paxton with a new smoker, the light fixture and a new food processor! He tells me that he bought the smoker for himself for his birthday next month and the food processor for me for my birthday.

Mind you, I LOVE to cook and have been griping about needing a new food processor for months. Mine broke over a year ago! But, I think that there is an unspoken rule about giving an appliance to someone for their birthday! Just don't do it!!!! Especially if that someone is your wife. It wasn't even wrapped. Needless to say I was left feeling less than satisfied.

Over the past few years I have had less than fond memories of my birthday. In 2004 Paxton's grandpa was buried on my birthday. In 2006 we were watching his sister get married on my birthday and nobody remembered, so I got my cards and gifts 2 weeks late after Paxton told everyone my feelings were hurt. And Last year I got one of those edible bouquets with all the fruit. Not that big of a deal except I am allergic to cantaloupe and about 2/3 of the bouquet was just that, cantaloupe. The years in between Paxton was out of town, this year included.

So, I am left contemplating birthday's. Does it just change as you get older? Should I lower my expectations and settle for less than satisfactory experiences? Should all of this change how I approach birthday's with my girls? I think not, I am a glass half full kind of person!! I will not settle for less and I will make my birthday better! If I have learned anything being a recovering drug addict, I control my choices. I am choosing this! I will change my path and take control. Even if I have to go on vacation by myself and get my own gift. I will survive and be happy, even in my mid-30's!